Joy, Unspeakable Joy or NOT?

Ahem. 
i know.  what a way to start off a post.
that's how my days have felt as of late.  don't feel sorry for me.  thank God it's not all about feelings. 
God has been laying this on my heart for a couple of months now and i actually have a minute to write a bit before the nursling gets up and the toddler is running crazy while i'm trying to feed said nursling.  life is good.
have you ever had a baby?  do you know someone who has?  now i've got you all!  it's pure joy, right?!
i had an a-mazing delivery!  long story, short:  water broke on dec. 16th at 7 p.m. and babe arrived on dec. 17th, contractions began at about 2 a.m.  got up.  took shower.  woke hubby up.  he took shower.  by this point, felt like i couldn't labor any longer.  arrived at hospital around 4:30 a.m. and was in transition, 6 cm & 100% effaced, felt like i was going to puke & D-I-E!  begging for epidural.   thankful for my awesome, encouraging husband, midwife & nurse.  did not get epidural.  baby born at 5:57 a.m.  joy!
well, for me (and some others i'm sure), it's not all joyous....the postpartum. crying.  tired.  crying.  worthless feeling.  more crying.  anger toward those closest to you.  cry.  fatigue.  add more crying.  i wanted to share this so that perhaps someone could be encouraged that you are NOT alone!
i think i should preface by saying that i love my kids and my husband and i know things won't be the same forever.  for that, i can praise God.
have i always wanted to praise God each and every day?  absolutely not!  gasp!!!  most days, not!  especially on my really sleepy days, which are greater than fewer right now, i don't want to.
i've always wanted babies.  i love babies.  then what is wrong with me?  why are these thoughts coming?  i have 3 babies!  more than some.  and some pray for just 1.  so, what is wrong with me?  i have THREE!  i had an awesome delivery.  my baby was healthy and full-term. i can nurse my baby. for that, i can praise God.
i will not go into the very specifics of my thoughts.  just know that they were AWFUL!!  and for that, i can praise God. 
how, you ask?  well, i can have compassion for lots of different people and cultivate a heart of thankfulness for what God has given me.  i feel for those who can't have kids.  i feel for those that have not gotten to bring a little one home.  and those that want to nurse but can't. (i know that all too well myself).  i feel for those who've miscarried and may still have postpartum changes, but no little one to share it with.  i feel for those that are single mommas & have no encouragement from a husband.  (i know this one well, too).  and i can feel for those mommas who have the AWFUL thoughts and carry them out.  but for the grace of God, go I.  and for those lessons, i can praise God.
other things He has taught me, and what's even more awesome is that He used people to show me these things:
*think on things that are true.  i am not worthless.

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Isaiah 43:4

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
   and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
   nations in exchange for your life.

*why do i think i have to do so much?!  reading a single verse may be my quiet time for now.  and that.is.ok. 
*also, even when i don't believe it, (and most days i haven't), continue to repeat truth to myself.
and don't pray myself out of the trial, but ask what He is trying to teach me through it. 
*wait on the Lord!
*this trial won't last forever.
*i can praise Him.  give my struggles to Him.  and praise Him yet again.
*i am not self-sufficient.  apart from Him, i really can't do anything.
*He is near to me.  i should be drawing near to Him.

2 Corinthians 9:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Psalm 103:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
   slow to anger, abounding in love.

and finally, i am meditating on Psalm 51.  writing down all of the attributes of God and man's character too.  we are, by our sinful nature, evil, impure, rebellious and broken.  so thankful that just a few of his characteristics are: gracious, loving, compassionate, just and pure....and the list goes on.

and it hit me sunday while i was at church:  He didn't just die for us.  He died for me! lightbulb moment.  and for that, i can praise God.

i almost forgot 2 more added bonuses.  #1:  someone gave me the book, "31 days of praise."  so good.
#2 bonus:  are you ready for this?...drumroll please...i went out for 2 hours sans kids on tuesday.  the best part:  my husband kept the kids as well as arranging the said outing with my dear friend.  and for that, i.can.praise.God.